Revenge is Sweet
by Elizabeth Miles
I have to admit that I don't have any really good revenge stories of my own. I've never really rubbed my hands together in that deliciously villainous way, smiling evilly while plotting real-life retaliation against some unwitting tormentor.
But that doesn't mean I haven't daydreamed about meting out justice against certain transgressors. Here, I present a top-ten list of “Elizabeth Miles' Revenge Fantasy Victims.” Let me know if you have any good ideas for the perfect punishment...
- The girl in elementary school who announced, in front of everyone, that just because her mother “forced her” be friends with me, that didn't mean she had to sit with me at lunch.
- The boy in middle school (grade six) who knew I had a crush on him, called me over to his group of friends during recess, handed me a dime, and told me to “go get a face lift.”
- Whoever spread that rumor (I know the one I'm referring to) about me in high school.
- The former employer, a restaurant manager, who suddenly and without warning closed the restaurant and skipped town, cheating us waiters and waitresses out of lots of tip money.
- The university professor (Introduction to Ethics, ironically) who loved pop quizzes. And it was an 8 am class. 'Nuff said?
- The ex-boyfriend who cheated on me—with one of my friends, no less.
- The local director who cast a less-deserving candidate in one of my dream roles for the most clichéd reason of all time—her bra size.
- Whoever invented pizza. I think I'd be two pants sizes smaller if it didn't exist.
- Anyone who hurts animals. Forgive me for getting serious for a moment, but there's nothing that appalls me more.
- Anne Hathaway, for being so cute and talented and getting to sing and dance with Hugh Jackman at the Academy Awards. How does one girl get so lucky??? (Just kidding, Anne! I'd love to be besties!)
No real life souls were tormented, tortured or harmed in the posting of this err... post. Fury is out now in the UK!